


the part with a knife

by billy_crash



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, ok just kidding, serious miscommunication drama, they are idiots though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 02:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5440700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/billy_crash/pseuds/billy_crash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim wants to talk about feelings, but he is <i>really</i> bad at it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the part with a knife

**Author's Note:**

> Tim is sixteen and nothing hurts (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥

The bar smells like beer, smoke and old men with their old stories, sharp eyes and unhappy families, waiting for them to come home. Tim is too young to be in a place like this, but this is Gotham, silly, Jason can find a place where they won't ask for your ID, won't ask for your name, won't ask you to leave, if your sorrow becomes too visible for people to feel comfortable around you. There is also a distinct smell of garlic, and by the way his stomach curls it seems Tim have forgotten to eat for at least one day. He prefers not to think it's been longer, he tries to take care of himself these days, he tries not to worry the people who chose to care about him, though, he can't bring himself to understand _why_ would they want to do such thing. Those people, there are so many of them now, and Tim almost feels sick to the thought of it, cause _he doesn't deserve it_. Cause he still believes he doesn't deserve it.

Jason is sitting beside him, but that truly means nothing for what Tim knows. It's Jason, and Jason can't be trusted, you can't rely on him, except _you so freaking can_ , but it's easier for Jason to pretend you do not. It's frustrating, to know this things about him now. It was easier for Tim when they hated each other and every word was sharper than the knife Jason still carries around. It was easier for Tim not to seek comfort in man, who never stays in Gotham for more than two days, but... Tim thinks he gets it. Tim himself is scared shitless when he does feel he belongs here. That he is - what? Needed?

Jason drinks beer much faster than Tim can manage (not that he wants to), doesn't really talk much. Tim knows Jason will sober up before meeting with Roy. And this - this gives him some time.

"You know", Tim says, "I was so freaking angry at you - when you were dead. It didn't happen often, but."

" _Nice_ ," Jason says, and then Tim can feel he is shutting him off - not entirely, but he doesn't sound friendly at all when he continues. He actually sounds like he is ready to catch a ride to the outer space or shit like this any moment right now. "And?"

"I've been trying to stay angry at you later, when..." you started to be alive and turned out to be _fucking nuts_ and _hating me_ , but Tim doesn't say that. Not because he cares, it just feels right not to, and Tim so rarely can stop himself from offending people that this moment should be perished. "I couldn't, you know. Even when you were... more than just angry at me."

"Not at you," Jason snaps, looks uneasy for a moment, before turning away. He spins the bottle in his hands, and then he nods, still not looking at Tim, not even trying to. "Come on. Finish your glorious speech, Red, it's not like I get this "you are an asshole, Todd" a lot, right."

"Nah," Tim laughs. "Wrong guess, big guy. I mean, this is probably why I couldn't hate you when you were so worth it."

"It's fucking stupid of you," Jason says, he still sounds annoyed, but also kind of puzzled. Tim grins, cause he's nowhere to be finished yet.

"What is, exactly?" He asks, not because he doesn't know all the answers. He just wants to hear the right one, even if Jason is really annoyed to be stating the obvious. 

And he is _oh so visibly annoyed_ , and Tim catches his breath cause of it, and he is a sick idiot, isn't him, but he can't bring himself to care, really.

Jason looks at him, cheeks flushed, anger in his eyes, in his fingers, in his body, but he still answers:

"Understanding me. Oh, I mean, _for fucks sake_!" Jason frowns, Jason stops talking, but he looks so fucking beautiful like this - honest, sincere and angry with himself and not just with the world around for a change. Not playing The Cool Guy, not cutting him out, and, well.

"Why?" Tim asks quietly, and now Jason blushes for real, just the tips of his ears, nearly not visible in the dim light (Tim knows where to look, _that's all_ ).

" _Babybird_ ," Jason murmurs, turning to face Tim. His gaze is almost impossible to hold, something dark and bitter cutting its way through the calm grey of his eyes. But Tim doesn't look away, he is strong like that (and also very close to being turned on by everything Jason is and usually isn't). "I tried to kill you cause of my... hah, childhood trauma. Not one time, and I _meant it_. You were just too good to die that easily."

"I did take your place," Tim says, shrugs, actually, like it's no big deal.

"And if you were dead, Tim? Would've you given me the same answer as you did now?" Jason asks, his voice harsh and his eyes even darker, and something in the way he said that makes Tim shiver a little.

But he looks at Jason, looks through his anger, through the danger written all over his posture, and there's so much more than that. There's always so much more than that. Tim sees fear, Tim sees disgust, Tim seems something that reminds him of hunger and thirst and all the things you can't have when your soul is aching for them.

Tim has seen it all already, more than once, more than twice, but not in the eyes of man before him. Tim has seen it in a mirror.

So he says:

" _Yes._ "

And then - then he reaches forward kissing Jason lightly, awkward and fast, not even really touching his lips. He sits back again, like nothing has happened at all, though his eyes are intense and his voice is demanding, when he asks:

"Angry now?"

Jason stares at him blankly, his fingers near his mouth and - laughs, suddenly.

"Do you need me to be?" he simply asks.

Tim smiles wide - looks amused and scared at the same time.

"Alright," he says, trying to look like he is just gathering the information, he _truly_ is trying. But Jason is staring at him with this strange grin, not his usual smug one, so - that doesn't work out. "It's just... When you wanted to kill me? When you were angry, yeah, not with me, but hell if this changes anything, right, I... I wasn't scared, you know. Well, I _was_ at first, but there was this thing."

"Your little precious brain was telling you how pointless and irrelevant it was at the moment" Jason finishes for him, and Tim - he laughs this time too, nervously and suddenly out of courage, because Jason is right, he is just not _that_ right. "I remember your eyes, Timmy. I gave zero shit out of hundreds about who you were back then, but your eyes I do remember. You have always seen shit others were too busy to notice, haven't you?

"Yeah," Tim answers, his fingers dancing around the scar on his neck, the scar Jason have given him. "I guess I've seen the worst you could do. And I've seen you angry; I've seen you scared, lonely, broken, even insecure."

"So where, for the love of god, are you going with all of this? Five points to Gryffindor, eh?" Jason cuts in, like he just couldn't wait anymore. Tim touches his scar, scratching it a little, and shivers for the feeling of it and the temper Jason have finally reached due to Tim's words and not so subtle actions.

"I..." and Tim honestly can't look at Jason with what he has to say next, but he needs to, so." The part with a knife I have enjoyed? And everything else, and..."

" _Jesus_ ," Jason breathes out, hiding his face in his palms for a couple of moments, while Tim is blushing like a freaking schoolgirl meeting her crush for a first time.

This is embarrassing, really; Tim wants to hide under his mask and a suit or just to stay in hell for a while, enjoying the hot summer holydays, until.

Until Jason _kisses_ him, urgent and hungry and with all kinds of affection in it, and this - this is so much better.

"It's Ravenclaw, actually," Tim says when they are both out of breath and there is a smile in Jason's eyes so close to his. 

"I know, little bird," Jason grins, and this time it's totally his smug one. "But those five points were for me, actually."

"No freaking way you'd be in Gryffindor, _you asshole_ ," Tim says, trying to sound offended, while Jason takes his hand and kisses his palm, grinning sheepishly.

"Oh, _wouldn't I_?" he smiles, biting his finger lightly.

And somehow, in this moment, Tim feels better.


End file.
